Every tween wants to belong somewhere at school. Help your child discover ways to overcome being shy.
Humans are social beings who thrive on feeling accepted by other people. This is no different for kids or adults. But, there is no doubt that the need to feel accepted is hardest during the adolescent years. There are so many cliques in school. You have the jocks, the preps, the popular, and the geeks. As long as kids find a place where they belong, it does not matter so much what clique they are associated with. It just feels good when they can meet and spend time with other kids with similar interests. So, what happens when a child is too shy to find a group of friends?
You may ask what characteristics determine who will be accepted into a clique or not. In the case of being popular, it usually depends on who is beautiful or physically fit, who has the most friends, and who exudes personal outward confidence. In our technological world today, kids are finding that acceptance is also driven by how many calls they get on their cell phone and how many instant messaging conversations they can keep up at one time. Geeks are infatuated with new technology, computers, and inventing, while jocks can talk all day about sports and famous sports stars. You need to identify what your child's interests are in order to begin the steps to overcoming shyness.
Here are some tips to help your tween develop confidence and make friends at school:
- Build up confidence. Focus on what you are confident about, whether it be math, science, track, or chess. Are there any clubs at school associated with these interests?
- Limit friendships. Concentrate on finding one or two really good friends. After feeling comfortable with a few people, it will be easier to open up and make new friends in the future.
- Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. Just listen intently and remember points that they make, so you can bring them up at a later time.
- Use friendly gestures. Try smiling and laughing a bit when talking to others. This will help loosen you up and make you feel more relaxed.
- Attitude check. Sometimes being shy means that you come across as untouchable or not wanting to make friends. Don't give this impression, if at all possible.
- Give it time. As social skills start to develop in the early pre-teen years, you will find it easier to communicate with others. It will take its natural course.
- Be picky. Don't make friends with the wrong group of people. You do not want to get mixed up with kids who like to gossip about others or put others down just to fit in.
- Befriend another shy person. There is strength in numbers. Why not make friends and the two of you can support each other.
- Be yourself. Trying to be just like someone else is hard work, especially if you are shy to boot. Making friends is not about mimicking to fit in. You want friends who like you just the way you are.
The whole point to helping your tween overcome shyness is so that she will enjoy social situations much better and learn to relax and have fun. It also builds the confidence she will need throughout her entire life. She won't always have parents to counsel her, so take the time to do it while you can.
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