The Truth About Girl Power
Helping Your Daughter Develop Strength and Spirit
In a culture that seems to put girls down at every turn, how can we help girls stay confident and strong?
Self-esteem. Studies abound that link adolescence with a drop in girls’ self-esteem. Some girls experience a sudden pressure to be popular with boys, but may feel that they need to be someone they aren’t in order to achieve this. Early sexual expectations, from our culture as well as from peers in their everyday lives, can cause girls shame and confusion as they attempt to blend a new part of themselves into their existing identity.
Fitting In. Girls may also feel compelled to act in unauthentic ways to survive the adolescent social world. Alpha girls at the top of the heap make most of the social rules: the fear of being unpopular, or worse, becoming targets of relational aggression, keeps many girls “in check”. Girls struggle daily trying to do what they know is right and true, while the rest of the world continues to coax and lure them into behavior and attitudes that aren’t.
Powerless. Overarching all of this is a common cultural image of girls that focuses almost entirely on their appearance while virtually ignoring all other qualities and abilities. That representation, coupled with subtle pressures to preserve social relationships at almost any cost, results in many girls feeling a lack of control in their own lives.
The “Girl Power” Lie. At the same time, it’s become commonplace for advertisers to use the term “girl power” to sell everything from make-up to clothes to hair products to young girls. Unfortunately, this demeaning usage of the term limits girls’ “power” to their control over their appearance and sex appeal. Ironically, these ads use this word to capitalize on girls’ need to feel capable and important; yet their constant message that a girls’ physicality is her most (or in some cases, only) important quality only serves to negate that power.
Pump up the Power. True “girl power” means that girls feel comfortable in their own skins and confident in their opinions and abilities. It means that girls have the freedom to define who and what they are about, rather than having a definition imposed on them. It means that girls have options and choices about their relationships, their goals, and their futures.
What Can You Do? Help your daughter learn to speak up for herself by teaching her assertiveness skills. Help her feel comfortable pointing out inaccuracies she sees in the media and the world at large to friends, family members, and teachers. Listening to and respecting her comments will encourage her to share more of what she thinks. Together you can practice ways to fight the restrictive images of girls that are so prevalent in our society.
Practice activism. Encourage her to write appreciative letters to advertisers who celebrate a more multi-dimensional view of girls. They are promoting a more positive image of the female body and helping to combat stereotypes. Likewise, help her share her opinions with advertisers when she feels disappointed by their one-sided view of how women and girls should look and act. Let them know you will not use their products as long as they present girls in this way. Check out some examples at www.about-face.org.
Relationship Skills. Help her cut ties when relationships become emotionally harmful. Help her learn ways to seek out authentic friendships, and to focus more on the positive aspects of strong female friendships, and less on “popularity”. Discuss healthy aspects of male/female relationships, focusing on mutual caring and respect, rather than beauty or sexiness.
Also check out Models, Teens, and Self-Esteem, as well as Sorority Sisters Kicked Out, for more on the pressures girls face regarding their appearance.
